you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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