I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
