Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
