i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
