Need sex. Gaining weight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
