batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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