we have officially lost it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
