I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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