you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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