No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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