There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
