Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
