So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
