There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
