i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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