Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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