Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
