Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
