OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
