I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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