i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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