Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
