I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
