Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
