He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
