he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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