My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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