Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
