do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
