Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
