The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
