We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
