i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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