The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
