I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
