Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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