I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
