That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize