Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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