My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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