i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
