Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
