I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
