AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
