this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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