omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
