I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
