I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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