Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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