my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying