I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.