they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?