dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.