hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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