dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
