I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
