i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
