My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
