yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
