YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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