this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
