...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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