I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
