I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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