dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
