i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
