It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
