One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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