I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
